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Iri's storehouse
Mirror of Kibisis
Reopening
Persimmon cooking
Rider, bicycle, and the jealous Sakura
The King's clothes are a swimsuit (waterfront king: prologue)
Saber lately
Afternoon light
The battle of today's menu
Sakura-san lately
Fuji-nee's persimmon feast
Towards the "splash"
That past is already
Caster's shopping (hobby edition)
Quo Vadis
Lancer
Lancer's Heaven I
Lancer's Heaven II
Lancer's Heaven III
Wabi-sabi-tsumami
Horn (definitely)
Horn (no echo)
Matou residents
After coming back
Return of the wise man
The big three female Servants' super-battle
Sea of memories
Bridge of eternity - right
Warrior's knowledge
Murder at the Twin Mansion
Spearman at work (flower shop edition)
Her holiday villa
For your forgetful self
Murder at the empty mansion
Caster's delivery
Illya strikes back!
Rider and the sandwich
The light on the way home
Great problem at the archery club
How about a training camp?
Crest fever
Sakura and deluxe lunchbox
Sisters' lunch
Educational guidance
The student council chairman is still going strong.
Let's go for lunch!
Fuji-nee's teacher form
Cat-tiger family rampage
Rin and Mitsuzuri on campus
On the verge of a dream
Plushie
Potato sorrow
Marron pie temptation
Rider, reading, and the jealous Sakura
Light-hearted promise
A guest from 5 years back
The trap of high-class ingredients
Sugar candy teatime
This is not Heaven.
Rider's errand, no return
Cleaning alone
Cleaning with everyone
Caster's shopping (good wife edition)
Mimic Tohsaka Lvl 1
Mimic Tohsaka Lvl 2
Mimic Tohsaka Lvl 3
Familiar kid
Angel and a diamond
Visitor
Suspicious pair
Makidera and Rin's pendant
Loitering on the way, main road
Towards the cultural festival
Caster's cooking practice
Dowsing housing
100 views of corpses
Respecting the countless servants
Iron and the second button
Gorgon's cellar
Selected for the King
Pool tickets and a threatening letter
What kind of wedding?
Sakura's memories
Autumn, sky, and a golden taste
Because I groom it twice a week
Mitsuzuri visits
Rin and high tech
Three girls one day
Killing and a fancy bear
Persistent cooking Caster
Successor
Bridge on an ordinary night - left
Two detectives
Mitsuzuri's revival
Himuro Kane's inquiry
Smuggling, fishing boat, round-the-world trip
Rin's magic lesson
Invisible servant
Sakura, Mitsuzuri, and the archery club
Mitsuzuri Minori
Snake princess in the evening sun
Lunch with the track-and-field club
Day of the festival
Praying Fuji-nee
Rider investigates
Adventures of Himuro Kane
A samurai and a wild flower
Dragon trance military history (??)
Pool and the Mystic Eyes seal
Penguin-shaped shaved ice machine
Level up?
Tohsaka exploration party
The secret to finger pressure massage is devotion.
Dreaming cooking Caster
Gossip between the two
Anachro-analog Rin
Border
Adventures around the maid
Sakura and Caster, united edition
Shin-chan and the sea
Blue Panther vs. Black Panther
Big trouble! The ancient legend of the resurrected supreme king inscribed in stone
Big pursuit! Two teachers, an elf, and an apprentice
Flip-flop 2
Flip-flop 3
School maid
On the way home
Crosswords and shogi problems
Training camp, approval
Justice and the kitten
That night: ghost stories
Curse collector
National treasure
A cat, a priest, and a stubborn teacher
Rin at the temple
monster
Ath nGabla
Final night
Good night
Hero of the bath
Sisters' crisis
The future is now
Airmail
Emiya massage
Quartet overture
Stray tiger
Dead Bridge (I)
Dead Bridge (II)
The things that suit Rider
In London
Peace and quiet (I)
Peace and quiet (II)
Peace and quiet (III)
Peace and quiet (1)
Peace and quiet (2)
Peace and quiet (3)
Ritual window
Kagetsu Tohya
Awakening (fake)
Awakening (not yet)
Silver thread
Decisive battle
Temple guardian
End of the four nights
Cruel teacher
One last drink
Execution appreciated
Those that give and take
The shore where he stayed
Choice sake - proof of the wild
Streets at night (patrol)
Streets at night (battle)
Haunted mansion
Tohsaka's advice
Haunted night
Good night - Illya
Good night - winter
No trespassing
Ghost Gossip
Ghost Gossip Glamorous
Hotel Einzbern
Memory
Twilight castle
Not yet
Reopening
A moment in the morning
Rin comes back
Wish.
Sisters' summer (apple)
Sisters' summer (lemon)
Medical medicine
A siblings' game
Waterfront king
Heaven's dress
(31)
unlimited blade works
heaven's feel
Caren I
Caren II
Caren III
Caren IV
Caren V
Caren (?)
Spider ladder
Spiral ladder
Reverse Moon
Holy Grail
Heaven's Feel Backnight 1 (church)
Heaven's Feel Backnight 2 (rooftop)
Heaven's Feel Backnight 3 (Dialogue Möbiuslink)
Heaven's Feel Backnight 3 (out on the town)
Heaven's Feel Backnight 3 (love)
Heaven's Feel Backnight 4 (Endless)
Heaven's Feel Backnight 5 (Void)
Heaven's Feel Backnight 6 (arm)
Heaven's Feel Backnight 6 (church)
Heaven's Feel Backnight 7 (Cradle Hollow)
Chaldea
Accel/Zero Order
Unlimited raise/dead
Let's Tell a Tale of World Salvation
20 - Caren II
No signs of people in the plaza.
The house of God stands quiet, no visitors in sight.
...This place stands far away from the world.
Further still from heaven. A place of confession for the lost--
A girl unknown to me is waiting at the church.
Whether it is the first time or the last, it has no meaning here.
She is something that never existed to begin with. She is everywhere and nowhere, just like him.
The flow of time is irrelevant here.
If I'm not mistaken, I am visiting this place for the--
[Second time.]
I start walking toward the church.
Of course, I don't really have any business here. I got all the information I needed last time.
It's obvious that this woman is still hiding something from me, but I don't think she'll tell me anything more than she did last time.
Her help isn't needed to resolve this incident.
SHIROU: ...Really, I have no business here.
I place my hand on the door while grumbling.
There are both good premonitions and bad ones.
Without a doubt, this sudden urge to come here isn't going to be a good one for "me".
The hymn continues.
I take a seat and wait for the end of a long reminiscence.
[The closed garden. The overlapping fingers. The discordant noise.
Old, bitter dreams and weak malice.]
...It's a story from not long ago.
The priest that was here six months ago would rend open the hearts of people with his words and actions.
His methods were indirect, and coercive.
He would seize an opening to trample upon their deep wounds.
That woman is the same as the priest.
Her methods differ, but this music deprives people of their affectations as well.
It's somehow unsettling.
This is most likely an incredible performance, but I can't bring myself to embrace it.
[Alone in untrodden land. Counting the breeze.
This place is far away. Deeper than everything. An empty sky.]
It says, "Rest your mind," and "Let yourself stop moving forward."
It says, "Take a break."
"If you are tired, you should rest your wings here."
...That kind of talk is irresponsible.
Telling someone to rest when they don't have the power to stand in the first place is like telling them to end it altogether.
You must not stop.
You must not seek rest.
Once you've started, you must fill the cup to the brim.
[Abundantly decorated.
Continuing on in circles to fill up every day.
The abyss of slumber before the end, the built temple.]
SHIROU: --, ah...
Her performance was over before I knew it.
I breathe a sigh of relief once I no longer have to listen to that unbearable piece.
CAREN: ........................
And...
Before I knew it, that woman was standing right in front of me.
SHIROU: Hey. Nicely done. It was a good piece.
I lift my head and without standing, begin to applaud.
CAREN: Why, thank you. --You... have an interest in music?
SHIROU: Yeah, I got into it recently. If you investigated me you probably know this already, but I actually don't have a lot of hobbies. I only really started listening to organ music after I met you. Um, how do I put this? I guess, it just goes to show how well you play.
CAREN: ........................
Apparently my blatant flattery paid off as Caren nods, satisfied...
CAREN: --Though you weren't even listening.
...and brazenly complains under her breath.
SHIROU: Geh, you noticed?
CAREN: --
Judging by her reaction, she must find it meaningless to even answer.
Well then. This silence is a bit awkward.
CAREN: ..................
SHIROU: ..................
Somehow, time goes by.
I didn't care about talking with her in the first place, so I'm completely okay even with this unpleasant silence.
I settle into my seat and squint toward the sunrays beaming through the skylights.
CAREN: ......Just to confirm... Didn't you say that you had no further business with me?
SHIROU: Yeah, I did, but this is a church after all. Are you saying I can't come here unless I have business with you?
I immediately respond to her unspirited question.
CAREN: That's right. I cannot refuse those who have lost their way. Then again, you are not exactly a lost lamb.
SHIROU: That's harsh. Can't really argue with it, though. Yeah, I've got nothing I want to confess, so I guess I really have no business with you.
CAREN: ...Then we have nothing in common, do we.
Our conversation ends on that note.
The church fills with silence once again.
She ought to understand my stance here, and yet Caren stands unmoving in front of me.
We haven't got any business with each other, so she could just leave me alone and go back to her room.
CAREN: Don't you have something else to talk about?
SHIROU: Like I already said, no.
CAREN: --
...This is annoying. If we don't talk about something, she'll be standing here like this forever.
SHIROU: Alright. You talk, then.
CAREN: Huh?
SHIROU: Don't give me that. If I've got nothing to talk about, then you just have to fill that gap, right? I've got nothing to talk about, but if you talk, I'll listen.
CAREN: I see. That is quite right. But what should I talk about?
SHIROU: Anything’s fine. When there’s nothing else, things like sharing your background or hobbies make for good topics. Sharing about yourself with others is the foundation of communication.
CAREN: ...That’s… true. But are you alright with something like that?
SHIROU: Sure. If you talk, I’ll listen.
I’m not really interested, but if this woman wants to talk, I can’t stop her.
Besides, no matter what kind of talk it is, it’ll probably be entertaining as long as it’s something I don’t already know.
CAREN: ...Understood. I feel this is unnecessary for you to hear, but there might be something meaningful even in this.
After that, Caren goes silent for a short while.
Probably because she isn’t used to talking about her own history.
She seems to enter a deep meditation while trying to recall her past in silence.
In the end, it was a predictably tedious tale.
She was born in a country in Southern Europe and lost her parents soon after.
Her father was unknown to begin with.
Her mother had a weak constitution and died one year after her birth.
Official records state she was killed by a robber, but in reality she seemed to have taken her own life.
The church treats suicide as a transgression of the Lord’s teachings.
It’s not a mortal sin, but those who have taken their own lives will never pass through the gates of heaven and will suffer eternal torment in purgatory.
--It’s actually a good story.
Her mother was a devout believer that, in the final moments of a painful life, found a purpose great enough to rebel against the Lord.
...However, that purpose her mother found was meaningless to a small child.
No matter how wonderful the meaning she found was for her, it didn’t change the fact that she turned against the teachings of the Lord and left her child behind.
Nobody was left to care for the child.
Her mother had no relatives and her father didn’t come forward.
The prevailing opinion among the people was that her terminally ill mother had birthed a child from an unknown man, like a harlot.
With no relatives, the child was entrusted to the priest of a small church.
Her mother was a believer that took her own life. Her child was placed in the hands of an exemplary, devout priest, who looked with contempt upon the woman who had premarital sex with a passing stranger.
The child was entrusted to the house of God without a single piece of luggage. However, she did have one belonging.
Caren.
Her mother had left her with nothing but a name.
The priest did not give her his family name, instead leaving it the same as the mother who committed suicide.
That name was Ortensia.
It’s the name of a certain flower that blooms on rainy days.
The girl lived with the priest for about eight years.
The priest was filled with love towards the Lord, but shared no love for the child he had taken in.
He was provided funds for her upbringing, yet made her work as a servant of the church instead of sending her to school.
Just by being born, the girl had sinned.
She was not baptized at the time of her birth, and until baptized to welcome her into childhood, she would be given nothing of the Lord’s love.
The priest declared that until then, the human known as Caren could not be recognized as a child of God.
However, it was questionable if this unusually strict priest would be generous enough to baptize an orphan at all.
There were two reasons why the priest did not grant her a proper education.
In order to reduce unnecessary expenses, and to prevent her from gaining knowledge.
Knowledge must not be given to the child of a beast.
That is the first step toward wickedness and more than anything else, it would be inconvenient in various ways if she gained the capacity to think for herself.
After all, defiance and exclaiming harmful truths to the masses would affect the dignity of the house of God.
To “pray” was all the priest permitted her to do.
He instructed her to give herself to God.
This continued for eight years.
Maybe she became used to suffering, or maybe her emotions were broken from birth, like her father’s.
The girl didn’t think of her life as difficult.
She learned of the Lord and of man by watching the priest.
She perfected her innocent prayers over those eight years.
And then came the year when the girl was of age to receive baptism.
Stigmata appeared on her body and the priest accepted his defeat.
He could no longer control her.
He opened the gates of the church that imprisoned her and handed her over to a much larger world.
The fortress-like structure of the monastery was build deep in the forest.
She cut her connections to the outside world and earnestly continued abiding by the teachings of the Lord, in a larger prison.
It was a separate world.
For the men who lived there, it embodied the very virtues of poverty, purity, and meekness that they strode for.
The monastery was a self-sufficient community consisting of devout followers and all necessities for living were made within the monastery.
The followers made their own food and clothing, and as a modest pleasure, a small amount of wine and cheese.
Detailed rules for each monastery are different, but the principles are the same.
There was only labor for living and prayer for the Lord.
Inside the high walls, there was a world of peace and harmony.
To achieve a union with God, they renounced the ways of the world and formed a closed society of the “chosen” faithful.
...Naturally, that lifestyle requires more discipline than at a local church in every aspect.
The girl was accepted by the Cistercian Order.
Among the monasteries, that place had a particularly long history and strict discipline where love of the Lord rivaled even the worth of a person’s life.
To eat, to work, to worship, to choose.
Even those universal rights were not extended to those not loved by the Lord.
By that standard, the girl did not even have basic human rights.
No, her very existence was unforgivable.
It was unthinkable that the venerable Cistercian Order would take an orphaned child into its ranks.
The girl was accepted into the monastery solely because of the stigmata that dwelled within her body.
To spontaneously be wounded, to bleed, and to be healed.
Knowledge of this ordeal is passed down by the faithful -- From the perspective of those believers who live on the other side, it was clear that the girl possessed an unusual power.
When it was recognized that she was an advanced spirit medium -- that she could sense the nearby drifting spirit matter, act as an intermediary and materialize it into this world through her own flesh, the girl’s value skyrocketed.
That unusual ability is not something that can be cultivated with training.
An ability held from birth, it is a genetic predisposition unrelated to the will of the individual.
Such a rarity having high value is only natural.
“Caren Ortensia’s rare talent will achieve unprecedented results in a particular ritual--”
In light of this report, the Holy Church entrusted the young girl to the Cistercian monastery.
But then again…
No matter how valuable she became, the Church never bestowed the Lord’s love to her.
The girl was given a room, an education, and trained as an instrument of the Lord.
She was taught to conduct herself as a perfect believer so that she would not bring shame upon the Church’s name whenever she went outside.
As a general rule, a person who entered the monastery could not live outside of it.
They may move to other monasteries, but being outside of a monastery altogether was not permitted.
However, she was not invited to be a Cistercian Nun.
An agent.
She was delivered only as an armament of the Church for assistance in demon exorcisms.
A weapon is intended to be guided by the hands of man.
She was permitted to leave the monastery only when her unusual talents were required to make known the Lord’s might.
The might of the Lord was not meant to be turned toward humanity.
It should be directed toward the wild ones who do not fear the Lord, the demons that threaten humanity.
To manifest evil, a demon has to take over a human’s body.
To cleanse this person and reveal God’s love to humanity was the task given to the woman, no, to the agent using the woman.
She was employed by an exorcist.
A special priest, one allowed to act as a “representative” from the bishops of the diocese.
They answer calls for aid, visiting the towns of the possessed to exorcise demons.
It was closer to fighting than praying.
Her master frequently said to himself that the work was like washing the bottom of hell’s cauldron.
Exorcisms vary in severity, and the ones her master faced were the particularly intense ones.
They did not concern themselves with imposters who blamed their own mental breakdowns on demons, or with monster outbreaks.
Their opponents were only those who had completely “turned” into demons.
The tragedy caused by a True Demon isn’t something that can be endured by the human mind.
All towns visited by the exorcist had deviated from the world of humans.
The damage inflicted by a demon isn’t limited to the possessed, but also spreads to the people around them.
--More than the possessed person, their spirits, rather than their bodies, are twisted into deformed monstrosities.
As her master would say, it wasn’t far from a tour of hell.
In an exorcism, the weak point that most easily succumbs to death is none other than one’s human reason.
The body’s ability to survive is not that important.
In the first place, the extent of a human’s power cannot compete with the likes of one who has “turned” into a demon.
The physical body is protected by a holy relic embodying the miracle of the Lord.
However, the spirit must be defended by one’s will.
What is required in an exorcism is ironclad faith.
In that respect, too, the woman was suited for exorcism.
It is probably for the best that her emotions shifted so little.
It is said that the exorcism of a True Demon is something that cannot be endured twice, but she continued to perform them indifferently.
The woman was valued highly.
She had the life of a nun and the role as an agent of the church.
The workload assigned to her was nothing short of backbreaking.
It probably would have overcome any normal person within a month’s time.
Although, as far as she was concerned, it was not much different from the daily work she used to do.
For her, who couldn’t really understand things like fun, torture had become indivisible from “work.”
--Pray and work. (Ora et labora)
...It’s ironic. Those words which symbolize the monastery had come to symbolize her own life as well.
Re: 20 - Caren II
CAREN: … Yes, it wouldn’t be wrong to put it that way.
Carent seems to pout a little as she nods.
Whoops. Was she offended that I summed it all up a bit too much?
SHIROU: Ah… What is it? Did that touch a nerve?
CAREN: Yes, that surprised me. It would have been better if I explained it that way from the beginning. May I used that summarized version of yours from now on?
Her admiration and proposal are both sincere.
Whatever, I honestly don’t get this girl at all.
SHIROU: That’s fine, you’re the copyright holder. If you want to use it, then by all means go ahead.
CAREN: Thank you. What you have succinctly stated is very true.
SHIROU: ………………
I’m not sure how to react seeing her act that pleased right after telling such a depressing story.
...Well, somehow I just felt that way.
This woman is actually pleased with having that kind of life up to now.
SHIROU: --Well, that’s fine. Since we’ve gone this far, I might as well hear the whole story. What do you do during an exorcism?
Well, no, it’s not fine.
It’s not, but I want to clarify this part first.
CAREN: I do not do anything. I have not been granted the rites nor sacraments to exorcise a demon. I simply accompany my master.
SHIROU: Huh? You mean you just follow him, that’s all?
What the hell?
Is this guy she’s calling “master” a coward?
Dont’ tell me he was just afraid to go to towns where the possessed were by himself.
CAREN: I will not ask the reason for your sudden indignation, but the conclusion you must have carelessly reached is mistaken. Those who become exorcists do not fear demons. The only thing to fear is the shattering of one’s own mind.
SHIROU: ...Hmm. That’s very impressive, but in that case, he’d be perfectly fine all by himself, right? Wasn’t there no need for him to bring you along? What about that “masochistic pneumatic automatism diathesis” thing you have? If you get close to demons, you’d get the same symptoms as someone who’s possessed, right? In that case, you’d be a nuisance rather than an assistant. It’s like jumping into a fire while covered in gasoline.
CAREN: That is my role. To take spiritual damage. That’s the shortest path to identifying the demons. Demons are not visible to the human eye, it isn’t known that someone is possessed until they transform. Or rather, it’s that True Demons are clever, so they conceal themselves within the possessed. So as to not attract the attention of enemies until reaching maturity, they try to suppress the symptoms as much as possible.
...Unfortunately, the Church has no way to exorcise a demon once fully matured. The only thing exorcists can do is find them before they are grown and exorcise them. Once they have become a demon, we have no choice but to incinerate them. The only ones able to do this are agents that specialize in heretic inquisition.
SHIROU: Ah -- so that’s your purpose.
A sudden emotion destabilizes me.
I feel just a bit disgusted.
Demons can’t be seen by humans. Only the host knows he is possessed.
The first and most difficult step in an exorcism is finding the demon that conceals its true identity.
Even for a skilled exorcist, identifying a demon is like walking on a tightrope at all times.
This is where she is useful.
She has an idiosyncrasy that responds lustfully to the surrounding demons and evil spirits, and causes the effects of the possession on its own.
From the Church’s perspective, it’s an extraordinary “heresy.”
Although it would normally be a useless genetic trait that would be harmful to even let exist, there is one specific purpose for which its radical effectiveness is demonstrated.
In short...
This girl is a living detector that sheds blood to inform others of demons.
It makes a tearing noise.
It breaks her arms, crushes her legs, and rips her womb from the inside.
Even if the form returns, the function does not.
The sight from those dull golden eyes was lost long ago.
This bell-like voice may not even resound in reality.
...These are her true colors.
She is a messenger of God, who saves others by mutilating herself until death.
SHIROU: --So that’s why, I see.
Her “true calling” was well said.
SHIROU: No wonder you were even chosen by the Holy Shroud of Magdala.
It takes some kind of reason to endure such unreasonable pain.
She gives unimaginable pain to herself.
Even if she doesn’t want it, injuring herself is still a masochistic act.
...You cannot injure yourself out of hatred.
Her deeds are not something that can be done without love, or faith.
SHIROU: ...Just asking, but can you refuse? You can’t, right? You would have refused if you could.
CAREN: That is also incorrect. The Church is strict but it is not inhumane. One has the right to refuse participation in an exorcism.
SHIROU: --So why do you bother helping with the exorcisms?
CAREN: Because there is meaning in it. Besides, neither outside nor inside are any different to me.
Going outside to perform exorcisms and being inside the monastery are no different.
...Ah, so that’s it.
I had thought before that she was riddled with bandages and reeked of disinfectant, but it’s no wonder.
A demon stings at the very heart of a human.
No matter where she goes, she can’t avoid getting hurt.
SHIROU: That’s total bullshit. That’s no good reason to take part in exorcisms. Don’t you have even one complaint?
CAREN: I understand that I have a handicap compared to others, but that’s what I was born with. There is no point feeling bitter about it. If I was born this way, I just have to abide by my fate.
SHIROU: What? Haven’t you thought about curing it? If it’s something like a disease, at least do something to improve your health.
CAREN: No cure has been found for it, nor do I wish for one. It is enough just to be able to pity myself over my misfortune. --Besides, although I certainly do become injured, those are not my wounds, but rather those of someone else. It is pity I have, rather than resentment.
Holy shit.
The hell is she talking about?
SHIROU: You’re saying you’re fine like this?
CAREN: Yes. Since I came into the world like this, it is simply the destiny I follow.
She said she’ll take everything as it is. I can’t speak for how someone else might take it. But this kind of thing doesn’t sit well with “me”.
SHIROU: Hey, what do you want out of your life?
CAREN: Is a meaning in life necessary?
SHIROU: No, I wouldn’t worry about something like that. But it’s like you’re living to do nothing. Things like that just piss me off, you know.
Someone had complained about something like this some time or other.
It was--
I don’t like it when people aren’t rewarded for their hard work.
When were those words said?
I wouldn’t call it saintly.
After all, those imposters known as saints don’t try to award results. Because it doesn’t fit the equality they preach, they’d never speak of being rewarded in the end.
That’s why these are nothing but thoughtless words.
It’s not even hypocrisy, but a questionable, naive wish.
CAREN: ...The atmosphere has changed again, hasn’t it? Only a moment ago you were frustrated, but now it’s clear that you are angry.
Apparently she can read my expression even with her eyes closed.
But unfortunately, that’s not quite right.
It’s not that I got angry just now, but that I’m always in a bad mood when I’m here.
SHIROU: Well, whatever. I guess since that’s your policy, there was no need to speak out over every little thing. I don’t like it, but have it your way.
CAREN: --I see. You, Emiya Shirou, are someone who cannot be patient.
She pushes back with a blunt tone.
Is it her turn to be angry now, or did she just return to her usual self?
She looks at me with conceited eyes appropriate for this church.
SHIROU: Um -- What was that?
CAREN: Nothing, really. I know someone very similar to you, so I just compared you with him. Although, he is someone who can be patient. Although you two would not agree on anything, you do have some interesting points in common.
She grins broadly.
I don’t think it’s appropriate for a substitute priest to flaunt her malicious intent.
SHIROU: I don’t understand what you’re saying. There’s nothing I’d have in common with this guy you know, right?
CAREN: Everyone knows except the person themselves, isn’t that how it goes? Emiya Shirou is a good man who kills his own desire and cannot forgive the irrationality of the world. Whereas the other man is a villain who embraces his own desire and ignores the injustice of the world. Even though you are polar opposites, you have far too much in common. ...Hehe. Just like a demon appearing through opposing mirrors.
An unpleasant smile appears on her face.
...I figured out something.
Caren has even less individuality than I do, but she gets excited at the idea of rubbing someone’s weak spot the moment she discovers it.
The troubling part is how effective her nose for this stuff is.
This woman uses her unmatched senses to sniff out the scars of others.
SHIROU: …...So, who’s this “polar opposite” of mine?
CAREN: He is a figure from an old tale. In a certain land, there was a sinner that shouldered the sins of everyone in the land and received punishment for them until his death. He was a very virtuous young man, but he was chosen to be the sinner simply by chance. It was an act carried out by the will of man, but because the people did not directly choose, it might be said to be the will of heaven.
SHIROU: ...The will of heaven, huh? He was imprisoned and abused because of something like that? There’s no doubt he’d hold a grudge against the world.
CAREN: No. The grudge he held only lasted for a few years. In the end he forgave all of mankind. He watched the world change over a long time -- Undoubtedly, he forgave them all.
SHIROU: --So, his hatred didn’t last long? Come on. That’s just what his assailants would like to think, right?
CAREN: That’s likely right. The hatred that has taken root in him can already be called eternal. Hating humans is as natural to him as breathing is to us. That is the kind of entity he’s become. That hatred is no longer an emotion, but a way of life.
Like that, he affirmed everything. “The world deserves to be hated.” “There are an endless variety of humans, so whatever happens can’t be irrational.” “Do as you like, since I will offset the irrationality with hatred.” He forgave many events and the evil desires of the masses, saying, “Even that is fine.”
SHIROU: ………...That’s really amazing. That’s not just a good guy, that’s a saint.
CAREN: Not quite. Sometimes affirming everything becomes the greatest evil. Do you not understand? Forgiving everything is to simplify it all by reasoning that the strong are strong, and the weak are weak.
...Moreover, he praises an individual’s desires. He says, “Do what you think is good for yourself.” Having no concept of good and evil, he simply affirms all things as they are.
“What a troublesome person,” Caren adds.
...That certainly is troublesome.
A mindset like that would end up endorsing crime.
SHIROU: Isn’t that guy bad? You’re a representative of God, so go haul him in before it’s too late. Come on, you can use something like that red cloth. Capture was its specialty.
CAREN: Rest assured, there is no need to capture him. He is indeed a dreadful being, but even leaving him be is probably fine. He is, fundamentally, incompetent and harmless.
SHIROU: …...Didn’t you just say something really cruel?
CAREN: I have simply stated the truth. At any rate, because of his passive nature he is quite lazy. He doesn’t have the initiative to carry out evil acts.
SHIROU: Well, that’s alright then. ...So, where are this guy and I alike?
CAREN: You don’t understand? Really? Despite it simply being a matter of “hating the world despite loving it” or “loving the world despite hating it”? You don’t see that you two, despite being so fundamentally different, merely have the order reversed?
SHIROU: --
“I’m asking because I don’t understand!” Or so I was about to say, but it seemed like a waste of time.
I didn’t come to talk about this sort of thing to begin with.
I just came here on a whim, listening to her talk as she pleased.
I have no obligation to rack my brains over some uncomfortable doubt like this.
SHIROU: Question. Why did we start talking about this?
It’s obvious now that Caren’s switch has been flipped.
This contrived shift in behavior is something I’ve often seen with Tohsaka Rin.
CAREN: I’m surprised. You don’t understand this either? You really are quite thickheaded, aren’t you?
SHIROU: If you mean I’m bad at picking up on others’ feelings, I agree. So? What’s your reason for pissing me off?
CAREN: ...Unbelievable. Very well, I will answer this one. That just now was payback for selfishly examining me.
Examining…?
I haven’t even tried imagining what’s underneath that unfashionable robe of hers, but…
It’s like you’re living to do nothing.
Well, I might have offended her by saying something that was a bit too on the nose.
In any case, I think staying here any longer would be even more uncomfortable.
SHIROU: I’m going home. Go catch some random guy in the park if you want to talk so much.
A simple matter of going Whooosh! with that red cloth of hers.
CAREN: ...As I said, I cannot go outside very often. You don’t have any spare time?
SHIROU: I did until I met you, but now I don’t have time to mess around. You’ve given me an objective for the time being.
“Ah,” Caren responds in comprehension.
That’s right. I’ve figured out my path from here on.
I socialized with her because she’s a valuable source of information, but I should hurry back if there are no more leads.
SHIROU: See you. If I come by again, try to be at least a little more helpful.
CAREN: --I promise. If you have lost your way the next time you come, I will guide you to the correct path. ...In exchange, please tell me one more time. Why do you wish to resolve this anomaly?
SHIROU: Uh-- That’s, well--
…...Then, why is it exactly?
Why am I obsessed with the resolution of this anomaly?
Even though after the fourth day it will be as though nothing ever happened anyway.
SHIROU: --No, that…
CAREN: ...It was a foolish question, wasn’t it. I was the one who said you were an impatient person. For Emiya Shirou, it was only natural to extend a hand to someone in need.
SHIROU: Ah.
With a poof, all doubt vanishes.
Now that she mentions it, that’s right.
Because it was something I didn’t need to think twice about, it probably wasn’t even a reason at all.
...I can’t believe it…
But those are the kinds of thoughts that fill this head of mine.
I stand up to leave.
She looks at me as though she still has something to say.
CAREN: ...Do you dislike this place so much? Or perhaps city life is more stimulating?
SHIROU: --That’s half right. I hate this place, but compared to wandering around town, well, at least it has some new flavor.
They say you’ll get tired of even a feast if you don’t try different foods every now and then.
It’s simply enough to have my everyday normal life to go back to.
Things like excitement and passion can come later, when I’ve forgotten about them.
SHIROU: That’s just how it is, I can’t stomach either you or this place, but I’ll come again if I feel like it. See ya.
I start walking towards my daily life.
CAREN: Is your everyday life fun, Emiya Shirou?
SHIROU: --Who knows? It’s not so intensely fun that I need to give special thanks for it.
I have to confess…
Rather than calling it fun, it’s all so dazzling it’s sometimes a little painful.
I leave that foul church behind.
With the organ’s venom fading, I can finally think straight again.
Caren said it’s only natural for Emiya Shirou to save someone.
SHIROU: ……..Huh?
But still…
Just who am I trying to save…?
summary
-having no conversation topics, he asks her to talk about herself, so she shares her rather sad backstory about being raised in a monastery and starting to work in exorcism due to her unique supernatural tendency to duplicate the effects of possession
-after that, she discusses the differences and similarities between shirou and ~a certain other person~ who is his polar opposite
-(she's talking about avenger)